What am I waiting for?  What do I want in my whole life? What is the destination of my spiritual journey?  A profound question, a question that gives me hope, confidence, power, and life. When I asked myself what I am waiting for, I am confident to say that I am waiting for the truth, the belief and the love of God, the faith, the power controlling this universe.

I was born in a family with a complex structure of beliefs, Christian, Buddhism, and even other things. In my childhood, I could say that I did not have any beliefs. As a pupil at school, I did not. At the university, I did not. After I have been an activist of the Chinese party for 7 years from Master to Ph. D., I met my wife, an angel who brought me to the way of following Jesus, but I doubted, even I assumed that they were crazy, weird, and doing nonsense things. I felt uneasy when I went to the church with my wife and her immediate relatives. I felt shy when I kneeled with my parents in-law during the mass. I did not know what I was doing, just following the trend, or not be special among the crowd? I had no faith as atheism had rooted and sprouted in my mind after 22 years of normal education in China.

I had a question always hovering in my head, what artist created the universe in such an ordered sequence, especially in living things, thousands of molecules in a cell performing their roles without chaos?  I know the forces, the reactions, and the electrons cloud distribution when two molecules approaching, yet I could not find the clue in the ideology level who or what control all molecules without intelligence do their things in order.

After moving here, the difference in cultures and the language barrier deteriorated us in the job hunting with a tremendous gap between positions in China and here. In the beginning, we complained a lot, regretted to immigrate here and planned to abandon the PR and go back to China. A belief, faith, God supported us to go through the hard situations as my wife always mentioned that give it to God and God would help and support us. It is true; the church was the place where we visited mostly.

I want to speak from deep in my heart that I am the laggard in the faith pursuing as I am the only one not Catholic in my family. Recalling what have happened to my family and what is tangled in my mind, I believe that someone or some strength in this universe controls everything and might be helping us but did not inform us when he gave us his generosity. I always heard from my wife and parents in-law that rely on God and God would give the solution. Opposite to the situation that I always excused being busy in work and no time to care about other things in China, here gives me the time and space to think about what I am waiting for. With the family members' support, I have the chance of accessing to the RCIA, learning deeper knowledge about Jesus, the Catholic, and started my journey to the faith.